My Thoughts On Meeting A great Woman Even Though You Are Losing Your Hair.
No one understands better what you are going through than me. Hair loss has devastated your life. It has stolen your self confidence and your self-worth. It has shattered your fantasies about what your future will be like.
I think the main reason we have so much trouble dealing emotionally with hair loss is because we feel it makes us unworthy of love. It's one thing to be without love but it is far worse to feel unworthy of love. I think we feel this way fundementally because we feel our hair loss will ruin our chances of attracting the opposite sex. At the very least it has ruined our chances to attracting a beautiful and wonderful woman.
After much pain and suffering I have come to believe that these thoughts are errors of logic.
I've had a website that deals with hair loss for more than 8 years. In that time period I have run into many people so completely distressed about their problem that any Physician would classify them as mentally ill. I too was once one of these mentally ill. I believed I would never get or keep the "woman of my dreams" because of my lack of hair. I believed all the things I once enjoyed doing were now pointless because I was becoming bald. I gradually became more socially withdrawn and isolated and more and more obscessed with my hair loss problem.
What eventually saved me had nothing to do with finding an effective hair loss remedy. Afterall there is NO TREATMENT available at this time that will regrow all your lost hair. I was saved by getting to know a certain individual. This person was quite bald, and couldn't have cared less! This individual was also very short...a trait I always thought also doomed a man to a life celibacy. Yet that never stopped this individual from having a good time. Having a good time in life included a girl friend that was drop dead gorgeous! Getting to know this person caused a whole list of things I believed to come crashing down around me. I was actually more attractive to the opposite sex than he was. Yet he was the one enjoying life while I sat home reading various books on hair loss in a vain attempt to solve my problem. He was the one at the night clubs dancing with his beautiful fiancee, while I sat at home in despair.
There was a difference between me and him however. He was a man and I was a wimp. He believed in himself whereas I did not.
Becoming friends with this particular individual was a lucky break for me. It helped me to understand that the most attractive trait in this world...at least to women, was nothing more than confidence in oneself. It wasn't about hair, it was about confidence. I think guys that are bald, yet still confident, actually become more attractive to women than confident men with hair. It says to women..."hey I lost my hair and I don't give a crap"! "Nothing's gonna stop me or keep me down". It takes guts to perceive yourself that way. Women are attracted to this attitude because it conveys strength and power. The reason why women are often not attracted to a bald guy is that he submits and resolves that he is no longer worthy of a beautiful woman. This loss of confidence in himself is the very thing women are repelled by. It is this lack of confidence that is unattractive, not the lack of hair.
I think the mistake we often make as men is that we believe the same things we look for in women are the same type of things women look for in men. Men are looking for the best looking "fur" they can find but women look for the best MAN they can find. The operative word is "MAN". Women are looking for a hero.
A hero in the real world (not TV) is a guy that can "come through". When his car breaks down he can either fix it himself or has the money to have it fixed immediately. He doesn't have to ride his bike around for three weeks until he saves up enough money to get it fixed. A real man dresses nice but doesn't really care much what he looks like. Vanity is percieved by women as weakness. Never be vain around a woman. Real men are confident and have direction in life. They know what they are doing. They are active and always busy. They do not sit around all day and watch TV.
You have to understand that women want men that will make good providers. This does not make them "gold diggers". It is an instinctive trait. Deep down they are seeking men that can protect them and make a good stable home for future children. They not only look for these type of men they are "turned on" and aroused by these type of men. Especially women over, I would say, 25 years old.
Real men have a knowledge and experience about the world. They can operate well in the world. They know how to get what they want.
Real men are physically strong and in great physical shape.
Real men don't sit around complaining. Women really hate "winey men".
Real men are the ones who end up getting all the great women in the end.
Women wise up pretty quick. Their first couple of boyfriends they may have been attracted to because they were great looking but they quickly learn that most really good looking guys have little or no personality. They never had to develop that part of themselves. Most woman are full of stories about old boyfriends that were "pretty" but totally useless.
There is a "REAL MAN" shortage in America like never before. The media has turned most men into winey pussies. How many real men are out there that can support a family without the woman also working? How many REAL MEN are out there that know how to manage their finances and not run up a mountain of credit card debt? How many REAL MEN are out there that know how to purchase an automobile without getting screwed? How many know anything about investing for the future? How many REAL MEN are there that actually finish every project they start?
Conversely, look how many men rely on the woman to provide for the family....even sometimes provide the bulk of the income? How many men can't stop spending money until they have to claim bankruptsy? How many are drunks? How many are idle dreamers who talk a good line but never seem to accomplish anything? How many men are completely full of crap?
Get yourself on a decent hair loss regimen and then stick with it.
Stop looking in the mirror so much!
Never let a woman know you are concerned about your hair loss.
Get yourself in great physical shape. A well built bald guy is ten times more attractive than a fat guy with a full head of hair. There are also very few really well built guys out there. This is something almost anyone can become given enough time and effort.
Get a good wardrobe.
Get on with building a solid career.
Find yourself some hobbies you enjoy.
Work on building your character as a man who is both honest and has guts.
Get yourself in situations where women can see what kind of man you really are.
Don't "fall all over" a woman that finds you attractive.
Don't try "kissing a woman's ass" to try to get her to like you. This only has the reverse effect.
Be gentile and caring but don't over do it.
If you think and act like a REAL MAN......trust me....women will respond as long as you get around enough of them. Believe me.....there are plenty of women who find a man's personality the most attractive possible trait. Look at the alternative. Would you really want to be involved with a woman dumb enough and shallow enough to give a dam whether you have hair?
A few months ago I was involved in a message board thread on hairlosshelp.com where I tried to convey these thoughts to some of the younger guys. One responded as follows:
"You guys can keep telling yourself it's your confidence, but it's you who aren't realisitic. You're trying to make yourself feel better, when in reality ask yourself how many hot women you'll be sleeping with when you're bald? In truth...none. My girlfriend is gone, my life is over. I cant even sleep and I look like a bald zombie. So stop telling me its in my f@cking head."
My response was as follows:
"You don't get it. I'd be willing to bet a million dollars your girlfriend didn't leave you because you are bald. She left you because you are a winey, self absorbed, insecure, mental weakling.
Your response is typical of someone mentally ill and I am not saying these things to insult you. I too once felt EXACTLY as you do! I'll bet you had a load insecurities before you ever lost your hair. Let's suppose I could wave a magic wand and suddenly you would have a full head of hair. The first month you'd be happy. After that you would simply find something else to obscess about. You would find something else about yourself that prohibited you from finding a woman. You'd probably start posting on some penis enlargement message board or surfing the net for some new way to help you grow taller.
My ideas really do work. If they didn't work for you, either you didn't follow them or you gave up too soon.
As far as the number of women you will be able to sleep with because you are bald....I agree with you. You're not going to get as many "one night stands" simply because you can't let a woman see your real personality in the few scant hours necessary to "pick a woman up". Personally, I have found one night stands were some of the worst sex I've ever had. Sex is much better with someone you've been "practicing with" for at least a few weeks. Also, sex with a condom is not even worth the trouble. A woman is going to want you to wear a rubber if you are going to sleep with her the first night you meet. If she doesn't, I'd be even more afraid of her!
No....I disagree. Your problem is between your own two ears and not the top of your head. But understand not a word of this post was written with any animosity toward you. It was written by someone who once believed the same things you believe and felt the same way you do."
Another message board poster responded:
"Why the hell should I be all those list of things for a female that probably can't even cook, and doesn't want to clean without me helping? wtf for exactly? Are you all that eager to give away half your shit when she leaves you after marriage?? - courts aren't very nice to us".
"You're right in a way. There are loser woman just as there are loser men. Through the years I have come up with a strategy based on the crap I've gone through. I have two sons. They are 19 and 16 years old. I tell them the following.....In my opinion there are two things you have to do right in this world if you want to end up happy in the end. The first is you have to find a good woman. The second is that you have to find a good occupation that pays decent and you don't hate doing it. If you do those two things right, things will fall into place for you....generally. If you do either of those things wrong you will probably be miserable.
There are literally millions of decent women in this world. In my opinion there are more decent women in the world than there are decent men. That is why I say there is a REAL MAN shortage. Therefore if you work on making yourself a REAL MAN, you will be able to find and settle down with at least one decent woman.
If you notice however I stated "don't kiss a woman's ass". This will not help you. In fact a woman will tend to lose respect for you if you do. There is a difference between treating a woman well and kissing her ass. I advise treating all woman well but never kiss their ass."
Then I proceeded to futher address the subject:
"One thing that hasn't really been addressed to any degree with regards to meeting women is what I call "proximity". You need to get yourself in situations where you are around women. Lots of them. Places where there is time for a woman to get to know your personality. Like I suggested before, I like the idea of getting a part time job purely for the purpose of meeting a woman! Get to know 100 women and I can guarantee that things will start to happen.
Get a job in a place absolutely dominated by women. My best idea is to get some sort of work in a hospital or nursing home.....especially the middle shift! They need people all the time and you don't need much education to get a lot of those jobs. You will be working closely with lots of women. Doesn't this make more sense than spending a fortune going to night clubs that are nothing more than meat factories?
This will also enable you to get in better shape financially because you are earning more money. Remember, being financially stable is something that will make you more of a "turn on" to a woman. There are lot's of beautiful women that have to pay most of the bills for deadbeat boyfriends.
Get on with it. Build yourself a better body, career, character, and things will turn out fine. At 46 I have come to realize just how short life really is. The only difference between me and you is I've gone through the tunnel and am on the other side. It doesn't mean I'm wiser it just means I've already gone through what you are going through right now. If I could do it all over again, I would not make the same mistakes I made before. I wasted so much time. That is what I am trying to prevent you from doing."
Another person responded:
"I'm 23, graduate college in a month, and don't give a damn about what any chick thinks about me."
"And the more you don't give a dam the more the chicks will gravitate to you. Not giving a dam is a sign of COURAGE. Chicks love COURAGE! Just as long as your attitude doesn't border on rude.
But you still need to get into situations where a woman can see your personality. In a night club or when you just walk up to a strange girl.... it is difficult....no matter how hard you try, conversation will always seem forced and phony. The only thing girls have to go on is your looks and a few scant words that are forced. Unless you are very physically attractive you will probably be rejected. But in the work situation things occur....opportunities...for you to demonstrate your character. Don't underestimate the power of getting the right kind of job. Even if you have a good career, get a part time job at a place where you can meet lots of girls. LOT'S OF GIRLS.
Men fall in love quickly but with a woman it takes time. That's because instinctively they are searching for a REAL MAN. It takes some time for them to realize that you're a REAL MAN. That's why you need time and day to day contact with them in real life situations.
Other things fall into place when you work a lot. You start to have more income...allowing you to get into better financial shape. This improves your character as well. Also it allows you to afford a better wardrobe. The more you work the more calories you burn and the less time you have to sit in front of the TV and eat...therefore often people who are too heavy begin to lose weight. This makes you more attractive.
You also have less time to sit around feeling sorry for yourself and obscessing about your short comings.
You don't need hair to get a kind and beautiful woman. All you need to do is be a REAL MAN and get around enough of them. You don't even have to ask them out. They will eventually begin to flirt with you and ask you out. As a matter of fact the less you notice them, and the more you concentrate on doing the job at hand, the more they will de drawn toward you. It drives them crazy....they will think "hmm...why isn't he noticing me"? "Why isn't he hitting on me like all the other guys I know? "WOW...this guy has direction in life....he's just not another jerk off. He knows what he wants from life and is going to get it".
NEVER BE THE FIRST ONE TO INITIATE ANY FORM OF SEXUAL OVERTONES IN A CONVERSATION. MAKE THEM THINK RIGHT FROM THE START THAT YOU DON'T REALLY WANT OR NEED ANYTHING FROM THEM. THIS WILL AT FIRST RELAX THEM AND LET THEM FEEL AT EASE AROUND YOU AND THEN THE MORE THEY GET TO KNOW YOU THE MORE IT WILL DRIVE THEM CRAZY. THEY WILL THEN COME ON TO YOU. This is exactly why you tend to be hit on by women you aren't really attracted to. You naturally, without thinking, are drawing them in by NOT thinking of them in a sexual way. Just always be polite but focused on other things. After all....you're a REAL MAN and can have any woman you want.
Another idea is to frequent one particular night club on a regular basis on the same days a week and at the same times. Get to know all the women there....even the ones you are not attracted to. Get to know their names and a few things about them so you can regularly converse with them. You never know, one of those less attractive ones may bring along their girl friend next week who is a knock out. Or maybe next month you may run into one of those less attractive girls while strolling through the mall. This time she may be with her sister who is gorgeous. Get out there and mingle. Do some networking.
Another possibility is that a great looking woman will walk in to your night club 2 months from now and notice how many people you know. She will be attracted to your popularity making it easier for you to get to know her.
Night clubs are also frequented by women traveling in pairs. Women like to dance and they often go to these places with a girl friend. Notice where they are sitting at the bar. While they are up dancing, sit in the seat right aside of them (if open). When they return don't say a dam thing to them for at least a half an hour. Hopefully they will initiate conversation. After a half an hour they will have relaxed and determined that you are not going to hit on them. Then make some attempt at conversation but keep it completely nonsexual. Remember, though a woman might not be attracted to you inititally that does not mean she won't be attracted to you after she gets to know you therefore keep the conversation completely nonsexual. You don't want to raise her defenses before you have demonstrated that you are a REAL MAN. Try to find as many of these situations as possible. Don't try breaking the ice by buying them a drink. That only makes them feel obligated to talk to you and this is not the type of situation you want. You are the guy in demand. You just need to let them see that. After you are talking to one for awhile of course offer to buy her a drink otherwise she'll think your cheap!
Another idea is that you might consider volunteering in a hospital or nursing home situation. Go in and talk with the little old ladies. If you do so on a specific schedule you will see the same nurses and be able to get to know them. Once the word get's out that you are a REAL MAN the nurses will be coming after you.
Try taking an art class or gourmet cooking class. These situations are dominated by women.
Going to church is also a possibility. Just make sure you do a little networking. Even if that means talking with the men. Try to get as many people as possible to realize you are a REAL MAN and not some jerk off. They may have a gorgeous friend in mind and will set you up even without asking them. Go to a few picnics and events once you know a few people.
Try wearing some sort of shirt or cap that advertises something you are interested in. If you love the St Louis Rams wear a shirt advertising this. This gives a woman an opening line to start conversation with you. If she really wants to meet you she will come up and say "so you love the rams eh?". Be ready to have a few things to say about the team so you can keep the conversation going. If a woman comments on your shirt, take it as you are definitely getting hit on. If you are attracted to her, go for it. You should have an assortment of shirts or coats. One may be a sports team another may be your favorite musical group. Wear them everywhere you go....even in the night club situation. Come up with a plan to proceed ahead of time when this occurs. "Hey....would you like to exchange phone numbers? Maybe we could talk alittle." Actually it is better to ask for somones e-mail address rather than a phone number. It is less intrusive and requires less trust initially.
In short, get to know a million people. Just never appear needy. Never appear weak. Afterall, the women are already out there looking for you. They just don't know how to find you. Make it easier for them. The great thing is that you have mathematics working for you. There are millions of gorgeous, single women looking for you right now. You just need to get the word out."
I certainly hope I did not come across as some sort of "know it all" regarding women. I guess you just have to trust that any 46 year old man has learned a thing or two along the way. Well...anyway, those are my thoughts on the subject of meeting women. I hope it helps.
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